What Don’t Break Us, Makes Us PT2
By Dewon Tarpley
When we’re questioned, what is it that we look for in a woman? How many of us truly have an honest answer? First of all, we must be de-programmed! We must remove the outlandish influences and guidelines that we look to so very often to tell us what it is we’re supposed to want. Reality shows, magazines, friends & family all attempt to push in our minds what to want in a partner, “Is mom going to like her? What’s grandma going to say about her cooking? Will she fit in with my sisters & cousins?” Funny thing though, no one has to be committed to this woman but us. Furthermore, while we’re making this long list of qualifications, the question is, do we even add up to that same list ourselves?
Too often we enter these commitments with so many expectations it’s no wonder why violence, infidelity, and divorce plague our communities. Arguments & power struggles, it’s a mental and emotional tug – of – war! Where is the communication, sacrifice, compromise and friendship? Why so many egos, I’m right and you’re wrong? What about let’s be happy?
I guess this is where I’m supposed to say that maintaining a relationship is hard work, but I need to change a couple words… to maintain a healthy partnership, we must work SMARTER! Notice I said PARTNERSHIP, yes because that’s exactly what’s needed. Loyalty to an honest, equal, and trusting individual who has committed to taking this journey side-by-side with us. Men, we have an extremely important role in our union of hearts. We are the leaders, protectors and providers and we must stand in this position and accept our powerful role indeed! Be a true KING to your QUEEN! Learn to appreciate her abilities as a visionary, guide her through the hardships & turmoil, provide the stability so that she may nurture the home (you as well), and most importantly DEFEND HER HONOR! Recognize the value in your partner and what she brings to the relationship.
Individuals don’t win championships, teams do! And the journey to the championship can be very taxing. It’s an adventure of sorts. As time progresses, the bond between them grows stronger. They learn each others’ movements & mannerisms so well that their play becomes instinctive. It’s always a collective effort. Where some are weak, others are strong and this reinforces the links of the chain. The same parameters should be followed in any relationship. It’s give and take, or we’ll call it compromise. We must let go of expectations and be open to learning our partner wholistically. Allow the pieces of the puzzle to fit harmoniously, without force, and watch the glorious beauty of your lives together unfold.