Monday, December 14, 2015

Weigh In (12/12) + Initial Thoughts on Beyond the Scale

My weigh in this week was kind of a bust...

It is what it is... I can't really pinpoint any one thing to cause the gain, but I did eat pizza Friday night so maybe it was just salt? Oh well. Onward!

At Saturday's meeting, I finally got to learn all about the new program, "Beyond the Scale". Honestly, to say that I'm overwhelmed would be an understatement. It's a whole lot of change, and I'm not entirely certain how I feel about it. I apologize in advance for the rambling post you're about to endure!

I didn't pay much attention to my points over the weekend, as I just wanted a few days to absorb all the new information. However, this morning I finally went in and tracked everything... and whoa. It's pretty eye-opening... I mean, I knew I didn't have the best diet ever and I eat way too much sugar, but this is like a good smack in the face, saying "Hey! Stop consuming all of this crap!"

One thing I'm not so happy about is that my Daily Points did not increase at all; everything I'd read said that my points would increase to somewhat offset the increase in points of most foods, and the reduction in weekly points--but for whatever reason, my points did not change whatsoever. My weekly points reduced to 42 (from 49).

Weight Watchers has said the goal of the new program is to "nudge" us toward healthier choices, but right now I'm just feeling forced. Even though I know it's good for me, and they're changes that I need to make anyway, my eating-disordered brain is freaking out a little bit and my biggest fear right now is restriction. When I restrict foods, cut out entire food groups, or feel like I "can't" have something, it's always led to a binge.

Here are my tracking pages for Saturday and Sunday...

I love the new 12-week journal!

Check out those point totals! Holy crap! Basically, everything I like from Starbucks has doubled in points. Again, I realize it's good because I needed to reduce my intake of all that stuff anyway, but now I'm like... is it really worth it? Is that amazing sugar cookie from CC's really worth 28 points? Is a frappuccino worth 20+ points? And what sucks is that it's not worth it... it's not even worth it for the occasional treat! I mean, if I'm going to blow 28 points in one go, it certainly won't be on a cookie! But these are my favorite things, and I can't imagine ever wanting to spend the points for those items as an "occasional treat." I worry that my disordered thinking is going to twist this around and tell me that I should just forget the program altogether and eat whatever I want... even though I know that's not productive.

But maybe, just maybe, this is the thing... I have enough self-awareness now to realize where this type of thinking leads me. I know that I need to make these changes and I've been waiting for that extra push, and here it is! So why am I so resistant? I need to reign in my crazy self-talk and realize that no one is forcing me to do anything... I need to just embrace this change, and work the program because with Weight Watchers, the program works if you work the program.  So simply by acknowledging these things, I don't think this change is going to cause me to devolve into a mindless binge frenzy... change doesn't have to be scary I think that simply by acknowledging my thoughts and fears, I've won.

So there you have it... my initial reaction to Weight Watchers "Beyond the Scale". This wasn't my most coherent post ever, but I needed to get these thoughts out of my brain. Thanks for listening reading!

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