Thursday, September 3, 2015

On Positivity

I've been sitting on this post for a couple of weeks now, because every time I got to a certain point it morphed into something different. I just needed to get these thoughts out, and I'm not really sure if it makes sense to anyone but me... but I hope it does. 
So, a few weeks ago, someone commented on my blog that my "positivity gives them hope."

*Looks around* Me?? Christina? POSITIVE??

A year ago, that would have been the LAST word anyone would have used to describe me. Hell, for my entire life, people have accused me of being too serious, negative, depressed... but definitely NOT positive.

So I wonder... is it even real? This new-and-improved, more positive Christina... is it just a facade?

You're damn right, it is. "Fake it 'til you make it," right?

You see, the thing is, I want to be a positive person. One of my good friends (we'll call her Sara) that I met while I was in Korea is probably THE most positive person I have ever met. She could literally make anyone feel better about their day. Sure, she had moments of frustration or sadness, etc., but they were just blips on the radar in the grand scheme of things. She radiated joy!

So, in striving to be a more positive person, I usually channel Sara. I often find myself thinking, "How would Sara react in this situation?" or "What would Sara say about this to help this person feel better?", and I try to emulate that. It helps, a lot, because I think I'd honestly have no clue how to be more positive without her example.

And it's getting easier. 

It takes work, though... it's hard to transform your thinking after 20+ years of negativity! I have started to notice that it's becoming more natural to me, and with that, I'm noticing other people's negativity more and more--and I've found that I don't particularly enjoy being around those people as much as I once did. I mean, I get it, because I was there... but now that I'm getting closer and closer to the other side, I can't imagine ever going back.

I think the key, for me,  has been finally learning to accept what is.

When something bad happens, or my life isn't going as planned, I don't fight it anymore. I stopped staying things like "if only" "this isn't how it's supposed to be" "I'm trying/going to try", and I found the magic. Turns out, when you stop focusing on the past and finally acknowledge your present, you can proactively work to change your future. Ooh, that's deep... I'm going to write that one down!

When I finally stopped blaming things that happened in the past for my unhappiness, when I accepted what happened and my life's "new normal," I was finally able to move on and figure out what needed to be done to change my situation.

We make so many choices every day... choices that are up to us and only us. I guess that's the beauty of this whole recovery business, that I get to have a completely new outlook on life. I was miserable and sad and so over being miserable and sad--and I changed that. For so long, I felt so powerless to change anything about my life; and now here I am, taking control and doing what needs to be done to improve things. I guess you could say I held my own personal "intervention"! It's unbelievably empowering to want to change your life and then to actually take the steps to do it.

I met with my therapist earlier this week just to talk about a few things (and let's be honest, I missed her after 6 months!), and even she commented on the change in my demeanor. It meant so much to me that she noticed. I told her about the blog, and how I'm going to coach for Girls on the Run, and how much I still love my Weight Watchers meetings--and I realized something.

I realized that I'm excited about what the future holds. I am truly excited and hopeful and just looking forward to what is to come, and I'm not certain of the last time that happened. I also realized that I love this blog and my WW meetings and Girls on the Run because for my entire life, all I ever wanted to do was help people. That's it. But I was always to scared or nervous or fearful that I had nothing to offer. Now, I'm doing it.

I gotta say, this whole "positivity" thing is pretty awesome.
Food Logs 9/1 and 9/2:

Those cookies did me in. They're fresh-baked and super soft from a local grocery store, and they
are not sold individually. Note to self: Don't buy them again for a very long time!


  1. I cannot stand being around negative people either. Although, lately I've become a bit negative some days thanks to the PPD. Negativity is contagious. I used to work in an office where there was so much negativity it was unbearable sometimes and it spread like wildfire.

    I'm happy for you! :)

  2. Agreed. I am SO TRYING to be positive more often. Negativity does weigh you down and I don't need any thing else "weighing" me down. ;-)

    Nicely done with your quote...impressive! Way back when when I was in WW I always thought how GREAT it would be to work there...being a positive light in someone else's journey and simply being on the journey to a better/healthier lifestyle with you work there or just attend meetings?

    I may have to do a little more research with them...

    1. I'm just a regular meeting attendee, but I do hope to work for them in the future after I reach goal! I would love to do that.

  3. Christina, great post! I love how beautifully this unfolds - as you work on accepting parts of you that may be prone to negative thinking and work to change the future, suddenly you are confronted with having to accept that you're become more positive. That puts a smile on my face. :-) BTW - I think you'd be a great WW leader. Part of the reason I didn't go back to WW was the leaders - I never found a "balanced" leader - most of the meetings I attended were led by people who were either too rigid or prone to some amount of body-shaming. You on the other hand would be so wonderful!!!!


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