Dealing with Disappointment

I received some really devastating disappointing news yesterday. Everyone's healthy, nothing's wrong, but there was something I was really looking forward to that I was positive was going to happen, and then yesterday I found out that it didn't. I was crushed. I am crushed.

A war raged in my head... I wanted to eat binge, but the sane part of my brain knew that would just make me feel worse. Marc had to work last night so it was just me and the kids, and I certainly wasn't in the mood to cook anything so I ordered pizza. I ordered a 12-inch thin crust pizza with ham and mushrooms, and stuffed cheesy bread.

There was a time (not so long ago) that I would have easily polished off at least 3 quarters of that pizza, probably more, and most all of the cheesy bread without thinking twice about it. I knew it must have been bad when after giving the kids their portions last night, Karinne looks at me and says, "Don't eat all that pizza mommy!" Kids certainly do pay attention, don't they?

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I only ate 4 squares of the pizza (thin crust, remember?) and 2 (out of 6) pieces of cheesy bread. Once the kids were in bed, I got out my journal and wrote until I'd poured all the hurt and sadness I was feeling onto the paper.

Then I went to bed.

It was only 9pm, but I went to bed. The sink was full of dishes, I could barely see the living room floor for all the toys covering it, our lunches weren't prepared for the next day... but it didn't matter. I knew that at that point, the only thing that would save me from going down a road I'd successfully avoided for the last several months would be going to bed.

When dealing with something like this, this Binge Eating Disorder, you have to be selfish sometimes. You have to practice self-care and know your limits, know your triggers, and do what you have to do in order to avoid a binge. And sometimes, that means just being done with your day and going to bed early. Christina - 1, BED - 0.