Thursday, September 24, 2015

Dealing with Disappointment

I received some really devastating disappointing news yesterday. Everyone's healthy, nothing's wrong, but there was something I was really looking forward to that I was positive was going to happen, and then yesterday I found out that it didn't. I was crushed. I am crushed.


A war raged in my head... I wanted to eat binge, but the sane part of my brain knew that would just make me feel worse. Marc had to work last night so it was just me and the kids, and I certainly wasn't in the mood to cook anything so I ordered pizza. I ordered a 12-inch thin crust pizza with ham and mushrooms, and stuffed cheesy bread.

There was a time (not so long ago) that I would have easily polished off at least 3 quarters of that pizza, probably more, and most all of the cheesy bread without thinking twice about it. I knew it must have been bad when after giving the kids their portions last night, Karinne looks at me and says, "Don't eat all that pizza mommy!" Kids certainly do pay attention, don't they?

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I only ate 4 squares of the pizza (thin crust, remember?) and 2 (out of 6) pieces of cheesy bread. Once the kids were in bed, I got out my journal and wrote until I'd poured all the hurt and sadness I was feeling onto the paper.

Then I went to bed.

It was only 9pm, but I went to bed. The sink was full of dishes, I could barely see the living room floor for all the toys covering it, our lunches weren't prepared for the next day... but it didn't matter. I knew that at that point, the only thing that would save me from going down a road I'd successfully avoided for the last several months would be going to bed.

When dealing with something like this, this Binge Eating Disorder, you have to be selfish sometimes. You have to practice self-care and know your limits, know your triggers, and do what you have to do in order to avoid a binge. And sometimes, that means just being done with your day and going to bed early. Christina - 1, BED - 0.


9 comments:

  1. I'm SO sorry about your disappointing news. But I'm so proud of you for how you handled it! It took a lot of grace, willpower, and self-love not to let the feelings send you into a binge--and with pizza in the house?! Those are all the skills, though they may seem far removed, that will serve you well when you take a chance next. Very proud of you. Hugs.

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  2. What a smart decision. And you are absolutely right, self-care is so important. Glad you were able to get to bed without binging. Hugs to you, my dear!

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  3. LOVE. Way to make sure that you took care of yourself. It sucks that the the thing didn't work out, but it just means something better will come along in the future. Good things lie ahead of you :)

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  4. Going to bed can be such a great strategy! Just getting yourself shut down can help re-center things. You are a stronger girl than - I could not have resisted cheesy bread. This just means something else is coming for you!

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  5. What a bummer about your bad news! But GO YOU for handling it so well. :)

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  6. I truly feel I have a bit of the BED .....its such a weird out of control kind of thing.

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  7. You are just amazing for the way you handled your bad news! So sorry for whatever happened, but GO YOU!

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  8. <3 good for you! Hate that you're having to deal with disappointment but proud of the way you're handling it. Hang in there, friend.

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  9. Disappointing news sucks! But, you handled it beautifully. One win leads to more! <3

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