Monday, July 13, 2015

The Clothes Monster

I feel like there is nothing more terrifying sometimes, than trying on clothes--especially bathing suits.

Saturday, I wrote about my disappointing shopping experience and how it was disappointing for all the "right" reasons. I realized that it wasn't a big deal when something didn't fit well; in the past, I would have thought such horrible things about myself: "You're such a fat pig," "Why can't you just lose weight," "You're so ugly and fat." My heart breaks for the girl who thought these things about herself, how she thought she didn't deserve to wear cute, trendy clothes because she was bigger. Most of the stores out there certainly reinforce that idea with their lack of plus-size clothing in the store. I know I'm lucky that I can fit into an Old Navy XXL (hello vanity sizing!), but you'd better believe that I remember when I couldn't and how frustrating and maddening it was to only be able to shop in a few stores, most of which were either overpriced or completely unflattering.

I dream of the day when stores start carrying all clothes in all sizes, and plus-size women will no longer be relegated to 4 racks of clothing in some dark corner of the store or to crazy overpriced specialty stores. I've always felt like a big spotlight was shining on me every time I shop because the special sections and stores just scream, "HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME SHOPPING FOR FAT GIRL CLOTHES!" Why is it anyone's business what size I wear? How many women wear clothes that are too small because they refuse to be seen shopping for plus-sized clothing? It sucks, and it's not right that women (and men, but mostly women) put so much stock, so much of their self-worth in the size of their clothes and the number on the scale. These things, they're just numbers. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

That being said, my primary focus for shopping this weekend was to find a bathing suit, and perhaps a couple of cute pieces that fit--not too much, but just one or two things that actually fit me that aren't leggings ;) Transitional wardrobes are hard! Anyway, I was actually looking forward to bathing suit shopping--a first for me! I really wanted to get a high-waist bikini; my current (one-piece) bathing suit is on its third summer, and while I love it, I just wanted a new one. I'm sure you've seen the various memes out there that say something like "To get a bikini body, put a bikini on your body!"; I also like this graphic from The Huffington Post:

Source
This post from Angelina at Run.Chew.Sparkle inspired me to finally take the plunge and just go for it!

I'd been eyeing Target's selection but they never had the bottoms in my size--the most important part of the high-waist bikini, lol. I was going to just order one online, but then last night I went to Target to see if they'd restocked or had any returns; I was in luck! They actually had my size!


I wound up having to get a smaller size for the top (in the picture I'm wearing a 20W top); so I came home with an 18W top and 20/22W bottoms. I also got a pair of shorts (!!!) in a 20W; I feel like I've been a 22 forever, so I'm excited to finally be down a size!

And let's talk about this picture for a minute--I just posted a picture of myself in bikini on the Internet, for everyone to see. It's so crazy, so far out of my comfort zone--but I did it. And I love myself for it.




9 comments:

  1. I love your body confidence. Still working on mine...

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    1. Thanks! It comes and goes--I have confident days, and not so confident days, lol. This was obviously one of the confident ones ;)

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  2. Love this post! I can relate to pretty much everything you said about shopping. Wishing you a fantastic summer of rocking that bikini - go, you!!!!!

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  3. LOVE IT! I love your bikini super cute! Go you! I also love that flow chart.

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  4. I love you for it too! You look super cute :)

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  5. You look great. While you've gained enough confidence to wear a bikini, I bought a swim skirt for more coverage! ha

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    1. That's OK! As long as you're out there enjoying yourself and feeling good in what you're wearing, who cares? Fun fact: In Korea, where most of the girls are teeny tiny, they wear shorts and t-shirts/long-sleeves to go swimming!

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  6. I like the bikini flowchart! And I am so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and loving your body like this!

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