Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Training Plan and Food

I haven't been exercising. I set my alarm every morning to get up; some mornings, I do actually sleep through it. Other mornings... I just don't want to get out of bed. I need someone to give me a good kick in the pants! I've decided that after looking at 8 million training plans, they're all basically the same; I need one that isn't so ambitious that I get frustrated and give up, but is also challenging enough to keep me interested. I've decided write my own, week to week; that way, I can base each week off of how I did the previous week. The goal here is to not set myself up for failure.

Here's what I've come up with for the remainder of this week and next week:

At this point, I'm working on endurance. I wanted no more than 3 absolutely-must-do runs per week, but I can run on a bike day if I feel like it. After this Saturday, my Saturday exercise time (during the time Karinne is at her dance class) will just be whatever I feel like. I can run, I can walk--the main thing is that I'm moving, and that I enjoy it. I may not be able to control the time of day that I have to exercise, but I can certainly choose what I do during that time. I'm excited!

I haven't posted a food log in a while, so here we go...

I made brownies on Sunday, and they are SO GOOD. I replaced half the oil with unsweetened applesauce and Marc said that he wouldn't have known if I hadn't told him. (I've tried replacing all the oil with applesauce, and it wasn't that great--way too cake-like. I'd rather not have them at all than eat them like that.) I would also like you to note that at the end of Day 3 of the week, I'd only used 4 of my weekly points--a minor miracle! It's rare that I don't blow at least half my WP's on the weekend. 

One more thing--I wanted to clarify something regarding Friday's post. Marc and I do get sitters occasionally and have date nights... we've just never had an entire night, like overnight, by ourselves. A full 24 hours kid-free would be amazing... like, whoa. Anyway. I just didn't want anyone thinking that we were THAT bad off... just a little. Haha. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Weigh In & Get Happy!

First things first, Saturday's weigh in results...

Only up .8! As I said on Friday, being on my period and not being great with my eating, plus lack of activity, coupled with the big loss I had last week, I was honestly expecting to be up at least 2-3 pounds. I'm quite pleased with this weigh in! 

This month's meeting theme at Weight Watchers is "Get Happy!". I love it--very little focus on the scale, and we're talking about so many things that I learned about in therapy; they've really done their research. Last week we talked about mindfulness and practiced a meditation exercise. That's something my therapist did with me many times, and I wanted to bring that up--basically to help anyone who might think it was "woowoo hippie magic" to hear that it actually does help. I hadn't  previously mentioned my therapy experience to my meeting group, so I decided to just bite the bullet and go for it. No shame, right? All I said was that I'd been in therapy for disordered eating (I still hate the phrase "eating disorder") and that we'd done this many times as part of therapy. After the meeting, someone came up to me and thanked me for always sharing and being so open; comments like that help me remember why I share so much. 

This past Saturday, we talked about remembering our "why"; why we're at Weight Watchers, why we're trying to get healthy. We created "vision boards" (collages) to visualize our "why"; they had a bunch of magazines, scissors, glue sticks, and paper for us to use to create our boards. I didn't really have enough time to get mine perfect, but I certainly had a good start. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much in the meetings, so occasionally I just sit back and let everyone else talk; I wasn't planning on sharing my board with the group, but then our leader specifically asked me if I wanted to share, so I did. I just had 4 pictures on it--a woman who looked very active and strong, a mom & daughter doing the muscle flex pose, "Cake Happens," and "Finally Be Yourself." I decided to finish it at home, and I love the way it turned out! I'm going to hang it on my cubicle wall at work to keep it front and center. 

After the meeting, I took Karinne to her dance class--she actually went, and no tears! I thought I was going to have to stay, so I didn't dress for a run. Since she ended up not needing me there, I decided to just go for a walk and enjoy the park scenery. I love the huge old oak trees in the park; I sat under one for a while and practiced a little mindful meditation. It was a gorgeous day; we've had a ton of rain lately, so it was actually somewhat cool (only 82 degrees, haha) and there was a nice breeze, and just enough clouds that the sun wasn't constantly blaring. 

Sunday we actually managed to get out the door for church. The last time we went was Easter :/ I could blame it on a number of factors, but really it's just laziness. We started attending a Catholic church back in January, about a year and half after moving here (we both grew up Protestant, and went to a Methodist church in Alabama). We are planning to go through the RCIA (Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults) process to become Catholic; it starts in August, and will conclude the week before Easter. Despite growing up in evangelical Christian churches, I've always been drawn to Catholicism; I just feel at home when I attend Mass, if that makes sense.  I'm a little nervous about the whole process to become Catholic, but I'm also really looking forward to it. It just feels like where we're supposed to be.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Friday Thoughts

  • Thank you so much for the supportive comments regarding my last post. It's not easy to post such honest posts sometimes, but I'm glad I did - no regrets :D
  • Marc & I have been freaking out over most recent power bills; they've been ridiculous, and we keep the a/c on about 78 most of the time! I get e-bills and have it on autopay, so I don't normally examine my bill. I see the amount and that's that, really. Well, today I actually went into our account and looked at the last couple of bills, and it turns out that our bills actually aren't that bad; it's way too complicated to type out (I barely understand it myself), but it has to do with our auto-pay date and the way the billing cycles fall. Basically, one bill shows 2 billing cycles, with 2 due dates. It's weird.
  • I have no idea what to expect at my weigh in tomorrow. I kind of expect a gain since I'm on my period, but a lot of times when I'm expecting a gain I wind up losing. Soooo, we'll just have to see. My eating hasn't been terrible--not awesome, but not horrible either. 
  • The house that we sold when we left Alabama 2 years ago is up for sale again. They listed it for about $20k more than it's worth and the pictures are awful--the house looks dark, crowded, and half the pictures are blurry! I seriously considered contacting the realtor and being like, "What are you thinking?! Do you actually want to sell that house?!" It's been listed for about a month; we had a fantastic realtor who had a professional photographer take the photos when we were selling, and we had an offer for the asking price in less than a week. Just sayin'... since I'm a real estate professional and all.
  • Marc and I have come to the conclusion that we are burnt out on parenting right now; it might sound bad, but it's the truth, y'all. We've literally never had a night without the kids. That's almost FOUR YEARS without a night to ourselves! Well, my dad and stepmom kept them overnight once, but we fed them dinner before we dropped them off, and picked them up after breakfast--I don't really count that. It doesn't help that our darling children have been especially trying as of late. We just need a break. Desperately. Marc's parents live in Texas and just moved into their new house this week (they've been between houses for a while... sold their house 3 years ago to downsize and it sold much faster than they anticipated; broke ground on this house over a year ago and it's finally finished); we're already trying to see when they'll be ready to host their sweet grandchildren for a week! 
Have a great weekend!

Monday, June 22, 2015

Weigh In + Weekend Recap

I'm part of a challenge group on Facebook, and last week's challenge was to drink 100oz of water every day... I'm definitely going to keep it up because check out my weigh in from Saturday!

I lost the 2 pounds I "gained" the previous week (thanks constipation), plus an additional 2 (and change), putting me in a new weight decade! I even had Taco Bell (a Mexican pizza and Meximelt, no chicken soft tacos for me!) Thursday night and still lost--I completely owe it to all the water I'm drinking. (Though, I did jokingly say to Marc, "I bet if not for Taco Bell, I would've lost 5 pounds!")

Karinne didn't want to go to her dance class on Saturday (I hope that's not a permanent feeling), so after Weight Watchers I took Ryan to get a hair cut. Now, he doesn't exactly love hair cuts yet... in fact, I'd go as far as to say he hates hair cuts. He's a very difficult customer, but we've always managed to get it done with the help of a very quick/efficient stylist. I took him to the same place we always take him, and it was already packed (apparently, everyone goes right when they open at 9am). We waited a few minutes, and then it was his turn. What happened next still blows my mind.

Stylist: (arms crossed, scowling at us walking towards her) Is he going to thrash around?!
Me: (taken aback) Um, I'm not sure...
Stylist: Because if he's going to thrash around, I can't cut his hair. What if I cut him?!
Me: Okay, well, I'm not going to force you to cut his hair if you don't want to.
Stylist: Well, you don't want to have him in a headlock the whole time, do you?!
Me: Um...we've held him still before...
Me: (glaring) No, he's just fine.

And it just sort of devolved from there. Basically, she was very rude and hostile to us from the moment she saw us walking toward her. No smile, no pleasant greeting, nothing but hostility. How did she think he was going to act after all that?! Of course he put his hands up and didn't want her to come near him! So she asked if someone else would cut his hair, and then looked at me and said very loudly, "Ma'am, you need to go sit over there and wait for someone else." The stylist next to us have me a sympathetic smile and said she'd cut his hair for us, but unfortunately he was already so upset by that time that it was no use. As we left, I heard her say to her client, "Yeah, she gets really nervous around kids...". So here's my issue... if you know you're not good with kids, then why don't you just tell the front desk not to give you any kids?! Why be so rude and hostile, humiliating a mom and her child in front of a store full of people? I wish I hadn't been so dumbfounded in the moment, and would have thought to get her name for when I talk to a manager about the experience (they're closed Sunday and Monday).

Despite all of that, we still had a decent Saturday. Sunday I got up and made homemade Orange Sweet Rolls that were soooo good! I also made my go-to Breakfast Casserole that's always a hit. It was a good Father's Day breakfast! I definitely ate too many orange rolls, but they were totally worth it. As soon as I plug the recipe into the Weight Watchers Recipe Builder, I'll know exactly how much damage they did, lol. It was a good weekend!

Oh, I also wore this shirt dress that I've had for 2 years and have never worn--the buttons didn't even gap when I sat down!

I should find a better place for this mirror

Friday, June 19, 2015

Friday Thoughts

It's Friday again! I've noticed that several other bloggers do sort of a random, bulleted post on Fridays; I did one a few weeks ago and enjoyed it, so I think I'm hopping on that train.

  • Even though it's Father's Day weekend, we don't have anything special planned. I suppose I could always take the kids out and leave Marc alone, but considering that he gets at least 1-2 days every week totally kid-free due to his work schedule, I don't feel any particular pressure to go that route. I think it'll just be another average Sunday (not a bad thing for us!). 
  • Ashleigh (whom I mentioned in this post) is not doing well. The cancer has spread to her liver, and I know she had a brain MRI on Tuesday to check for evidence of cancer and it was clear (thank God). I haven't heard much else, but I'm certain that's not a good sign. Thank you for all the sweet comments the last time I talked about her; please continue to keep her and her husband, and their two little boys in your thoughts and prayers. (Her blog: My Journey With Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
  • I have really been struggling these last few weeks with getting up to exercise in the mornings. I honestly do not know what my deal is--I just have to get tough with myself and make myself get out of bed. I've gotten to the point that I really do enjoy running, and other exercise, but it's the whole getting up at 5:30 and getting out the door that I'm stuck on. I've thought about making a proper running schedule, that way if I don't go run then I've actually skipped out on something that I scheduled--what do you think? Any other ideas or advice? Tough love is also welcome :)
  • I've been doing well with my June Goals. I've been excellent at staying within my PointsPlus for the week. Also, despite not getting up in the mornings to exercise, I've still managed to exercise at least 3x per week; running on Saturdays, and an at-home workout here and there. I've also managed to get to bed before 11 nearly every night; I didn't last night because I started watching this season of Orange is the New Black (I'm so tired of Piper and Alex drama, btw) and I just kept letting Netflix play the next episode. 
  • I've tried to be really open and honest about my journey at my WW meetings, because I know I appreciate hearing stories similar to mine and if hearing my story helps even one person who is struggling, then it's worth baring my soul. Well, at my WW meeting last week, someone actually said that I inspired them. ME! She'd just reached her goal weight again, (she's a longtime Lifetime member and came back to lose 30lbs she'd put back on), and the previous week I'd talked about how it took me a year to lose my first 30 lbs but I didn't quit and I kept coming to the meetings because without them, I'm certain I would've gained another 30 lbs. She'd been trying to lose her last couple of pounds for several weeks, and she said the fact that I didn't give up inspired her not to give up and to just power through it. And she did! 
I just looked at my phone and I've taken 0 pictures this week, so I apologize for the lack of imagery. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Dress - or, the day I had 6 NSV's

The plus-size section at my Target is in a really weird place; it's randomly thrown in between clearance (yes!), maternity, and regular clothing. Due to its placement, and the fact that the setup seems to change every other week, I'm constantly looking at clothes that are NOT my size (see map below).

Red=clearance; Blue=regular; Green=maternity; Purple=Plus
Note: Not to scale, nor is this map intended for use in an actual Target store
Okay, so I always wander around the Clearance and Plus-size clothing, but during my last couple of trips I noticed this really cute blue and green striped dress in the regular sizes that are on the wall directly behind the clearance stuff. During my most recent trip there, I noticed that they had an XXL, and the material was actually pretty stretchy. I decided to try it on, just for shits and giggles.

Well, you guys, it zipped! It actually zipped! I had to take a picture.

I did not buy the dress, as it's way too short and I would never ever wear it out (probably a good 4-5 inches above my knee, though you can't tell in the pic), but there are so many NSV's in this one picture!

A) I had the confidence to even attempt trying it on
B) It actually fit
C) I didn't instantly burst into tears upon seeing my belly rolls or my jiggly legs
D) I took a picture
E) I did not crop my legs out of the picture

Seeing this picture just makes me smile; it represents so much for me. All the effort, all the work I've done over the last 13 months--it's so worth it just to have this picture and to be able to have so many reasons why I love it. I'm still fighting the voices in my head that are saying, "Ugh, your legs are so ugly," "Definitely can't post this without cropping it," "You really need some Spanx..." But you know what? I'm ignoring them. I'm posting the picture despite what those voices are telling me, because I deserve it.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Weigh In + Weekend Recap

I left my weight record book at home today, so no photo of my weigh in sticker--you'll just have to take my word for it!

I gained 2.2 pounds this week, though I'm certain that most (if not all) of it was water. Since I don't have a scale at home, I won't know for sure until Saturday. However, I stayed within my points all week but had Chinese food on Wednesday (wonton soup, dumplings, and crab rangoons), and finished the leftover soup on Friday--I always bloat like crazy with Chinese food. I've also been constipated again--I've NEVER experienced constipation like this in my life (except when I was pregnant), and now I've dealt with it multiple times over the last 2 months. This is the pits!

On Saturday, I walked Karinne to her dance class and went for a run while I waited to pick her up. I didn't want another experience like the previous Saturday, so this time I did 3:2 intervals, and ran super slowly, but I was able to finish my run!  I also made sure to have water with me, so no doubt that helped.

Obligatory sweaty post-run pic
On Sunday, Marc took the kids out for a while and I cleaned like crazy. I didn't do any "formal" exercise, but I still managed to earn 5 AP's. After he got home, we put the kids down for naps and then I went to Starbucks to read for a while. One day, we'll have a house with our own porch and I won't have to go to Starbucks to enjoy reading (ha, who am I kidding?! I'm sure I'd still go.). I downloaded The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing on my Kindle; I keep hearing great things about it, so I'm looking forward to continuing my decluttering project with renewed zeal. My hope is that images like this...

and this... 

Yes, there's a table under there. Note the shelf above the table
crammed with more stuff.

will become a thing of the past. Fingers crossed! 

Friday, June 12, 2015

My Future Self...

Inspired by Alissa's post on things her future at-goal self would do, I decided to sit down and think about things my future at-goal self would be doing. During one of my therapy sessions, Mary asked me to visualize myself at my healthy weight, whatever that may be--I immediately told her that was impossible, how could I visualize something I'd never experienced?

I finally gave in and just tried, but all I could come up with was myself in 2004, the summer before my junior year of college when I took diet pills and weighed 175. I wouldn't exactly consider that healthy, considering I was living off of Phentermine, Diet Coke, Ben & Jerry's and french fries. Oh, and beer... lots of beer.

I've since attempted this exercise a few other times, mostly ending up with some weird jigsawed version of myself, so maybe by writing it out in list form, I can paint a better picture of the person I hope to become when I'm finally out of the weight loss phase of my journey...
  • Wake up between 5-5:30, go for a 3-4 mile run and run the entirety. 
  • Maintain a proper workout schedule, incorporating running and other cardio and strength training.
  • Have a minimal wardrobe made up of clothing that I love, that is easily mixed and matched. 
  • Prepare breakfast and lunches and outfits the night before so mornings aren't so rushed and crazy and stressful. 
  • Have a (mostly) clutter-free house; be more conscientious about the new items we bring into the house. Encourage gifts of experiences rather than more "stuff" from family and friends. 
  • Have a dedicated meal planning day and grocery shopping day. Incorporate 1 new recipe each week. Have several crock-pot meals and "cook once, eat twice" meals in the rotation so I'm not so stressed in the evenings after work.
  • Since I've stopped biting my nails, get regular manicures to keep my nails healthy. 
  • Be more intentional with the time I have in the mornings/evenings and on the weekends with the kids. Much less TV for them. 
  • Be more intentional with the time I have to myself after the kids are in bed. Don't just veg out until I pass out on the couch.
  • Love all my wobbly bits, and have the confidence to wear shorts during these God-forsaken New Orleans summers.
  • Be warm and open with everyone I meet; be vulnerable enough to open myself up to making the first moves toward new friendship. 
  • Sugar is a sometimes food, no longer a daily food. Get to the store/farmer's market often enough to have fresh produce on hand always.
  • Be at peace with myself and the person I've become.
Obviously, not everything is weight-related, but I think it all goes hand-in-hand. I know that when I'm on track and feeling good, I'm more inclined to follow through on my intentions. It might take time, but I WILL get there. I already see several things that I can start working on now in order to make this vision a reality, and I know the only thing holding me back is me. So now I'm going to print out this list and put it in a prominent place and get to work!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

On Mindfulness

One of the big things that we discussed while I was in therapy was mindfulness--being present in the moment, not thinking about what happened or what will happen or what might happen--simply, what is happening right now.

I lived with a lot of pain for a very long time, pain that was buried so deep I hardly knew it was there. Every meeting with Mary peeled back more and more layers, until we'd at last reached the root of the cause of my particular anxieties. I'd lived for so long with such abominably low self-esteem, such fear and self-doubt, and hatred for myself that I didn't know any other way. I didn't know that I was feeling (or not feeling, as it turned out) all of these things, let alone that there was any other way to be.

Mary kept a little basket of all different kinds of stones on a table in her office. One day, she handed it to me and told me to pick a stone; I chose a rather imperfect one, one with too many lumps and bumps to count. She told me this would be my "grounding stone"; whenever I started feeling anxious or bingey, use the stone to bring me back into the present. Breathe deep and focus on what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling, where I'm feeling it (I carry my anxiety in the area between my chest and throat, and in my jaw, in case you're wondering).

So one day, I'm driving in my car and I'm stopped at a red light. I glanced over and saw my grounding stone laying in the passenger seat; I picked it up and just started feeling it... turning it over in my hands, admiring its strength and solidity while running my fingers along its bumps and bruises, thinking about how much that stone reminded me of myself. I had the radio on, turned down fairly low, (white noise, you know), when I caught the end of a chorus I'd heard a dozen times before...

All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

You've got that right, Avicii.

I tried carrying the weight of the world / But I only have two hands

I continued listening, and I mean, really listening. I turned the radio up until I could feel the music pulsing throughout my body, closed my eyes, and just let it envelop me in its rhythm (periodically opening an eye to check on the status of the light). I let go of all my thoughts of what needed to be done that day and just allowed myself to enjoy, truly enjoy, that music, those few, precious moments alone in the car with not a care in the world. I remembered days past, when I'd roll down the windows and turn the music up as loud as I could stand and sing along, not caring who might hear me or what they'd think. What ever happened to that girl, I thought. Suddenly, a realization so profound, so pure hit me so hard that tears sprang into my eyes (as they did again while typing this memory)...

She's right here, she never left. She was here all along, waiting for you to find her again.

And with that, the light turned green. I carried on about my day, a slightly different, better, version of myself then I was when I woke up that morning.

It was that day that I finally learned what it meant to be mindful. I thought I knew, but really I just said I did and then didn't think about it again. I suppose my stoplight epiphany (as I've come to refer to it) was God's way of saying, "HEY! Pay attention! Your life is fleeting and you're just letting it pass you by, not actually seeing or enjoying any of the graces I've put in your path. Slow down and stop worrying about what was or is to come, because I've got this!"

"Wake Me Up" by Avicii

Feeling my way through the darkness / Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end / But I know where it starts

They tell me I'm too young to understand / They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes / Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over / When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

So wake me up when it's all over / When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world / But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world / And I don't have any plans

I wish that I could stay forever this young / Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone / And love is a prize

So wake me up when it's all over / When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

So wake me up when it's all over / When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself / And I didn't know I was lost

I didn't know I was lost (Repeat 3x)

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Weigh In - 10%!

You guys, I finally did it!!! I've lost 10% of my starting weight!

In fact, I not only met that goal (which was 254.4) but blew right by it and got another 5lb sticker AND lost a daily point (not necessarily a good thing, lol)!

It's the little things, I tell ya.

I don't normally get around to posting on the weekends, but this was too exciting not to share. Now, if only my weight loss always went like this; I'd be at goal in no time! I'm not getting my hopes up though--yes, I did the work, but I know I'm most likely not going to continue losing at this rate.

Karinne had her first ballet/tap class on Saturday morning. The place is just a few blocks from our house, and right next to City Park. I walked her to her class (which is 45 minutes) and then went for a run--something I never do on Saturdays. It was only 9 am, but it was already so freakin' hot outside that I made it about 1.6 miles before I felt like I was actually going to pass out. I knew it was going to be hot, so I did 3:1 intervals, but it was still too much; I also pushed myself too hard in the first couple of intervals, I think, so that probably didn't help either. Next weekend, I'll just do 2:1 intervals and take it easier. I think I'll also invest in a little water bottle that straps to my hand because water definitely would have helped! In any case, I still ran on a Saturday, which I never ever do--so woohoo for being active!

Very sweaty post-run pic

Friday, June 5, 2015

Friday Thoughts

I don't have a lot to say about any 1 topic, so I thought I'd just write about a lot of different things today.

  • I'd be lost without my food journal. I've seriously been slacking on posting my daily logs, but I'm doing them! I stay so much more accountable with my paper journal, as opposed to an online tracker. I've used My Fitness Pal and the Weight Watchers apps in the past, but it was too easy for me to "forget" to track, or consciously skip it altogether. With my paper journal, if I skip a day, the blank page is staring me in the face! Something about filling out all the numbers and completing it at the end of the day just speaks to me, and motivates me to track; I'm also completely honest with myself. Writing a negative number for the day or for the week (especially if I've used up all available points) is hard, but if I don't track it, I'm only cheating myself. What good would that do? I started using the paper journal in January, and I seriously haven't skipped a day since then. 
  • A close friend (Ashleigh) of a dear friend of mine (Janna) is fighting against a horribly aggressive cancer. She's 30 years old, married with 2 toddlers at home (she was first diagnosed a little over a year ago when she was still pregnant with the second and was given a 1% chance of survival at that point), and her doctors are now estimating that she has about 2 months live if they forego any further treatment as the cancer has now spread throughout her lungs and her bones. She blogs at My Journey With Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It's heartbreaking; being the same age, also having 2 toddlers, it just hits close to home. If you're the praying sort, or if you're not, would you mind saying a little prayer or sending some kind thoughts for Ashleigh and her family?
  • Janna, the friend through whom I came to know Ashleigh, is also battling cancer. She's in her 30's with 2 kids (we met in Korea and were pregnant at the same time for both our babies) as well; hers is a very rare form of ovarian cancer. After several rounds of chemo, things weren't really looking great; but she's in the hospital now receiving her second stem cell transplant and the doctors say it looks like her cancer is almost gone (praise the Lord!). The plan after the transplant (she'll be in the hospital for 2 weeks), assuming the treatment works like they're hoping, is a complete hysterectomy and hopefully she'll be cancer free. Would you mind throwing a prayer or some kind thoughts out there for Janna as well?
  • I went on my first evening run the other night in honor of National Running Day. I don't know if it was the extra humidity, or the fact that I was running so late in the day (after dinner) as opposed to first thing in the morning, but it was tough! I had a hard time keeping my breathing under control. In any case, I finished, and felt damn proud of myself afterwards!
  • I haven't been great with the Starbucks portion of my challenge to myself. I have been a LOT better with my sweets at night, and I'm definitely better with the number of Frappuccinos I'm consuming per week, but I'm still going more than 2x per week. However! I have been making more of an effort to get the Frappuccino Lights; they have half the calories and sugar of the regular ones. I used to get them all the time, but now when I get them, all I taste is the artificial sweetener. This week, I went to Starbucks on Sun, Mon, Tues, and today (Friday), though a coworker bought mine today so it doesn't count! I got a light frap on Mon, and I've been forcing myself to order the Tall instead of the Grande (which I never finish anyway, it's totally a mental thing). 
  • Marc is off this entire weekend (he usually works Saturday nights), so woohoo! Not sure what we'll do yet, but I always enjoy it when we get to spend time as family without pressure to get home so Marc can get to work. Maybe I'll actually do some cleaning tonight so I don't have to spend the weekend cleaning! 

Food logs for last 2 days
Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

June 2015 Goals

Out of the multitude of things I've learned over the last year, realistic goal setting is something that really stuck with me. I learned that I had/have a very "all or nothing" attitude toward life and it's something that's very common among those with disordered eating habits.

"Ugh, I've already blown my diet today; I'll start again tomorrow/next week/next month/next year."

"There's no way I'm going to meet my [insert fitness tracker here] goal this week; why even bother trying?"

"I said I was going to exercise every single day this week, but I overslept twice this week; why even bother?"

"I'm on my period and I'll probably have a gain this week; if I'm not going to lose weight anyway, I might as well eat whatever I want!"

So we fall into this repetitive cycle that just drags us down further the longer we give in to it, and every time we repeat that cycle it becomes that much harder to break it.

When I first started exercising last year, I actually managed to get up every morning and walk for about 40 minutes before work. That lasted about 2 weeks before I overslept one morning; then I started "oversleeping" more and more, until I just didn't exercise for about 2 weeks straight. When I told my therapist, she asked me why I thought I started oversleeping more--I realized that once I broke my "streak", it seemed pointless to keep trying to exercise every day, so I "allowed" myself to oversleep more, which in turn made it easier to just not exercise at all.

Typing it out like that really makes it seem so silly--it barely even makes sense to me now--but that's how my mind worked.  My therapist suggested that instead of saying, "I'm going to exercise every day," try, "I'm going to exercise at least 3 days per week." It's funny how such a simple statement gave me so much more freedom! It removed that pressure to be perfect and suddenly my goal was much more realistic and attainable.

I'd love to be able to say that I've exercised at least 3 days per week every week since then, but that's not the case. However, I'm much more forgiving of myself and no longer beat myself up when I choose to forego exercise for a little more sleep. To be honest, I've only exercised once in the last 2 weeks--Ryan has been waking up multiple times per night and I'm just exhausted. I do need to take care of myself though, and I love running/walking... the sweat, the accomplishment, the time alone with my thoughts... so tonight after work, I'm heading out for a run! (Marc works a lot of nights, so it's not always possible for me to exercise after work.)

I look at goals as guidelines rather than something I have to do--they give me something to work toward, rather than just living somewhat aimlessly. It's awesome if I meet that goal, but it's also not the end of the world if I don't. So, without further ado...

For the first one, I can use all my WPs and APs,
I just need to stop blowing past them all like I have been. 

Monday, June 1, 2015

Weigh In (5/30)

Ryan (my 2 year old) came down with pinkeye last Thursday, so I stayed home with him on Friday. I took him to the doctor, and it turns out the poor kid had an ear infection too! He was acting fine though, so we still had a good day. I rarely get him all to myself like that. Of course, by the end of the day he kept asking, "Where's Daddy? Where's Karinne?" I guess he's just used to knowing that when he's not at school, then we're all together.

Saturday was Weight Watchers day...

Considering my big loss last week, I'm quite pleased with this weigh in; I usually bounce back up a pound or so after a loss like that!

My in-laws were in town this weekend, and they took the kids all day on Sunday--it was amazing. As soon as Marc got back from taking the kids to his grandparents' house (where my in-laws were staying), I made us go for a run together. I haven't exercised properly in 2 weeks (ugh), and I was just itching to get it done! Plus, we have never gotten to run together, so I wasn't about to waste this opportunity. It was close to 11 before we got out of the house, so it was already pretty hot out (haha, who am I kidding--it's hot at 7am here!). He's not much of a runner either, so I set our intervals to run 5 minutes, walk 2 minutes, 4 times. I kept telling Marc to start slow so he would actually make it to the final interval, but he wouldn't listen; I'm proud to say that I actually endured better than he did-- and he even gave me permission to brag! Haha.

Obligatory post-run selfie:

You can't really see it, but we're totally drenched in sweat.
Now I'm off to catch up on 3 days worth of blog posts, so don't be surprised when you suddenly see comments popping up!

Recipe: Skillet Corn and Zucchini Tamale Pie

After Karinne was born and I worked while Marc was the stay-at-home parent, we heavily relied on Emeals, a meal-planning service that builds meal plans based on the weekly sales ads--they have plans for every budget, pretty much every store, and all kinds of dietary needs. (There's also usually a Groupon out there that you can use for 50% off). I'd print out the menu, stick it on the fridge, and then we wouldn't even have to think about what was going to be for dinner. We never had a bad meal! 

This is one of the recipes that I keep coming back to because it's so easy and versatile. It's so yummy, and you can make it as mild or spicy as you please! It's very mild as-is, so I tend to go pretty heavy-handed with the chili powder when I make it for me and Marc. I am not a food photographer, so I apologize in advance for the shoddy artwork. I also did not think to take a picture of the raw veggies, but I assume you know what chopped vegetables look like so hopefully you'll manage :)

Skillet Corn and Zucchini Tamale Pie 
Serves 6 / PointsPlus per serving: 9

2 T olive oil - divided
1 poblano pepper, seeded, cut in ½" pieces
½ c chopped onion
½ t salt
2 ears corn, kernels cut from cob (or 1 cup frozen, thawed)
1 zucchini, cut into ½" cubes
2 t chili powder - divided (I accidentally tripled this one time, and it still wasn't bad!)
14 oz can diced tomatoes, use only half
½ c shredded Monterey Jack cheese (pepper jack adds a nice kick!)
2 T chopped fresh cilantro
1½ c cornbread mix (1 box Jiffy cornbread mix)
¼ c milk, 2 T honey (I've used whole and 2% milk; Points stayed the same)
1 egg

Preheat oven to 450°. 
Heat 1 T of oil in a large ovenproof skillet. Add chopped pepper, onion and salt; cook 5 minutes. Add corn and zucchini; cook 4 minutes. Add 1 t chili powder. Stir in tomatoes and bring to a simmer. Stir in cheese and cilantro. Remove from heat. In a bowl, whisk cornbread mix, remaining 1 t chili powder, remaining 1 T oil, milk, honey and egg until smooth. Spread over mixture in skillet. Bake tamale pie at 450° for 12-15 minutes, or until cornbread is done.